Worth the Effort

In my book, My Dramatic and Inappropriate Neuroawesome Life, I talk a little bit about how I don't have a memory of not being sad. I seem to have been born with a certain amount of melancholy. Even when I'm having fun, in awe of something beautiful, or even feeling deep admiration and love, sad is still somewhat present.

I've also battled significant depression episodes, some that lasted years. But since the accident, managing my depression has gotten harder and harder. Having to work daily on simple skills, like hand-eye coordination, motor skills, speaking, and cognitive skills, and making little to no progress, just compounds the sad. I've always been someone who wants to be uplifting and inspiring to others, but I'm not sure I know how to do that anymore. However, I do think there's something to be said for the story of staying some version of strong while not overcoming the challenges.

Often we are shown stories as inspiration that are all about how people have overcome something. They start with a really hard challenge, but they work hard and things get better. They overcome. I don't know that I'm going to overcome any of the things that have gone wrong since the TBI. But I am going to keep working.

I think that has validity and inspiration in itself. Those are actually the stories that I need right now. I need to know about people who have not overcome but have not given up. People who are not trying to overcome, because there is nothing like that in their future. But they persevere. They don't give up. They see value in their life. They know they are worth the effort.

I know that I am still a valuable person. Even by traditional standards, I have some value. But I don't want to live by traditional standards. Not even a little bit. I want to believe with my whole being that because I have breath, I am worth effort, life, and love.

I know I still have a lot of work to do to be able to fully accept my new normals, but I'm willing to do the work. I battle every day with being sad because of how difficult this all is, but I've never given up on anything. Even if all I am ever doing is maintaining what I have, it's going to be worth it.

You are worth the effort. I hope you have help available to you, but even if you don't, you are worth

the effort.